I wish I was stupid.
I wish I didn't invalidate every one of my feelings before I even had them,
That I didn't believe love was logistical and hate only a tool for the pack.
I wish I didn't see an animal when I looked at you,
I wish I didn't see more of an animal when I look at myself and I wish we were all animals just
Biting and sleeping and fucking.
I wish I had never read a book or heard a song that made me cry,
I wish I had no eyes and no mind with which to see that which my eyes have
calculated and counted and commissioned
I wish that flesh did not taste so fresh, nor blood
flow so freely the slut. Slut slut slut.
Blood like lies like slut.
I wish I could use words like never and always and believe them.
It's all logistical and I am so calm.
I wish I could flail and cry out and scream but I only how how to be calm.
It is logistical.