Thursday, 10 April 2014

Creative Venture #34

I'm fairly sure that this comes under the header of really badly written, teenage angst, incredibly self indulgent poetry that should never be shared with the world, but I just found it on a scrap of paper and hell it's my blog I'll post whatever morbid self indulgent shit I like.

I don't remember the last time I felt so empty.
So cut and bruised.
Bruised joints, so it hurts every time I move
I feel all used up, empty, cut
Lungs filling with water
Yet I can't help but laugh - heavy eyelids -
At the absurdity of synchronisity
That it ever was and is now gone
Was all of that before pretend?
My tongue is lead and my hands are shaking
And I shudder with every breath I'm taking
As an empty open giant hand grips inside my chest
It's for the best.
Smile on. Stand up straight. Twenty hours to compose the
Face the Voice the Laugh the Smile
The eyes - mustn't forget the eyes -
Wash them, scrape them out with bleach
Poppady ping smile on, calm leader, mustn't falter mustn't fall
Relax your forehead - oscar winning really -
Fuck you and everything you are. I hate you.
I need to hate you. Please let me hate you.

Funny how the body keeps going.
Blood flowing, brain knowing, toes toeing
Lungs pumping eyes blinking heart sinking
Boom bom, boom bom, no buffer or breather
Just always the breathing.
I want to shut off please. Can feel myself dying.

Can feel my cells dying, failing around me. I can feel myself dying if I sit too still.

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