Sunday, 9 January 2011

50 Ways to Avoid Revision

We're all doing it. Exam/deadline season rolls around and we all suddenly realise there's lodes of stuff we simply HAVE to do! Right now! Allow me to offer you a little help in failing your exams...

1 - Tidy your room. Never fails.
2 - Advanced - tidy the whole house. Bonus point if you end up cleaning the oven.
3 - Ring your mum. I mean, she's your mum - she loves it when you call! You owe her that at least.
4 - Walk to the library with the intention of revising. 'Forget' your pass. Forget that the staff will let you in if you explain. Walk home.
5 - Get twitter. If you already have twitter, this is self explanatory.
6 - Go grocery shopping. It is unreasonable to expect yourself to revise without appropriate nutrition.
7 - Nap, as frequently and for as long as possible.
8 - Take a sudden but passionate interest in a sport. No way are you missing the match.
9 - Do countless Sudoku to 'warm up' your brain.
10 - Go to the library, then stroll around casually looking for people you know. Now, you are not only avoiding revision, but spoiling theirs.
11 - Go the the other library to the one you usually use. Spend at least half an hour walking round and admiring the architecture.
12 - Facebook facebook facebook.
13 - Sort through all your clothes, and give the ones you no longer want to charity. Good karma = the question you were hoping for.
14 - You must meet up with everyone you haven't seen over Christmas. This must involve a lot of talk about how very busy you are with revison.
15 - Watch cartoons from your childhood, and reminisce about times when there were no deadlines.
16 - Offer to proof read the dissertations of others to avoid writing your own.
17 - Download free photo manipulation software (GIMP is good. No, really). Saturate all the photos of you and your friends.
18 - Go for a run.
19 - Exfoliate - your body is covered in dead skin cells, exfoliate goddamit!
20 - Paint your nails. This is good, because then you cant possibly work for the next half hour incase you smudge them
21 - If you are male, paint your toe nails, and see how long it takes someone to notice.
22 - Make a revision timetable. This must be colour coded. You'll need a portable copy, and one for your room.
23 - Watch films vaguely related to your degree (Angela's Ashes anyone?) and claim it IS revison.
24 - Plan fun things to do after exams and all this awful revision.
25 - Iron your underwear. Its not neccesary, but its so comforting to put on a warm pair of knickers.

26 - Make poor quality graphs about revision.
27 - Watch videos on Youtube of Disney Songs sung in foreign languages.
28 - If you have a pet, dress it up. They love it, honestly.
29 - Diagnose yourself with various illnesses online.
30 - The internet is your friend - peruse it. Use it. Loose yourself in it.
31 - Make a montage of all the stuff you did last semester. Find a seriously over the top song for the sountrack.
32 - Photoshop pictures of your feet onto the faces of your friends.
33 - Alphabetise all your DVDs. Also, tidy up your iTunes.
34 - Dismantle a pen, reassemble, and be impressed at your engineering skills.
35 - Check all the food in the fridge/freezer./cupboards. Divide into three sets - what is within date, what it out of date but not mouldy, and what is out of date and mouldy. Dispose of the latter, put the former back, and eat everything else.
36 - Window shop online.
37 - Learn to meditate. A clearer mind will mean you'll retain more knowledge.
38 - Shower at least three times a day. Accompany this with hair washing and teeth brushing.
39 - Realise you havent flossed in weeks, be horrified, and walk to Asda to buy floss. Then, floss.
40 - Stretch. Each muscle needs at least three minutes to feel the full benefit. So with 640 skeletal muscles, thats...
41 - Enter gameshows online. Deal or No Deal, Who wants to be a Millionaire, Weakest Link etc.
42 - Give hearfelt advise to others on Yahoo! Answers.
43 - iPlayer. Nuff said.
44 - Go to an internet cafe to revise, but end up just eating cake and eyeing up the sexy guy with the beard/hot waitress.
45 - Apply to take part in Medical Trials. These usually pay well.
46 - Look into post graduate jobs to apply for when you have passed your exams.
47 - Dub Disney videos hilariously but inappropriately.
48 - Write lists about how to avoid revision.
49 - Read lists about how to avoid revision.
50 - Comment with further ideas of how I can avoid revision?


  1. Bake a cake to eat when the revision is done for the day :)

  2. Write a blog about avoiding revision....i have definitely done a lot of these...shameful

  3. The damn link to the hilarious Disney video won't work but it better be the one I linked on my facebook! If it's not then watch it right now.
    Don't you think clam shell bras are the best?
    Looking around here you'd think, sure, I could tap that! AAAAAHAHAHAHA I belly laughed like Santa on crack.
    Other shit you could do to avoid revision, HMMMM. Listen to this cover of "Love Will Tear Us Apart" by The Cure, it's very sexy:
    You could write a blog about the next of those 5 things in life you're doing, speed, endurance...forgot the rest. You could remind me what the rest are. You could write me threatening notes to make SURE I do those pretty pictures of your fine self. You could reply to this, or you could just like, sleep bro. WATCH CATS ON THE INTERNET!


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